This week we are revising our WH essays.
Comment on any aspect of your revision process. Here are some ideas:
Describe what happened during the in class write (the first time around).
Describe what influenced your revisions.
What are the biggest differences between your in class essay and your revised essay?
How did you revise? How did you decide what changes needed to be made?
How did you decide how to change certain parts?
What part of the essay still could be better? What part do you feel fairly confident with?
On Friday, turn in both the original essay and the revised copy. Your dramatic monologue is also due on Friday. We will read these in class!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
.JPG)
.JPG)
58 comments:
grant is sick with the flu and his internet is down.. he just wanted me to tell you he'll do whatever makeup project there is
I can only describe what happened today because I won't be here on Thursday or Friday, but the main thing with my essay was simply that my sentences didn't contain the well-thought-out diction and structure that my essays I have more time to do have. I definately took the time to think out exactly what I wanted to say and varied the structure a bit more. I kept the same themes and ideas that went along with the themes, but looked back into the book and found another couple quotes to describe the physical aspects of the two manors.
For me, the greatest struggle of in-class essay writing is attempting to convey my ideas in a manner that will answer the prompt and impress the reader. I constantly tell myself that it is not enough to brainstorm good ideas for the topic, but that I must also put them into writing that meets the said requirements.
More specifically, on this essay I plan on revising my intro and conclusion, as they are both short and accomplish little. Right now, I am revising my sentences so they more clearly resemble my thought process.
The main problem with my essay was that it wasnt a horrible essay, but it did not properly answer the prompt. I wanted to write about passion this and reason that, but i wrote little about the actual death scene. I left out a lot of things that had to do with Heathcliff and Cathy's final meeting and things from the scene. I also didnt use many quotes, because when i didnt focus on the actual scene I left out many important quotes from those moments. In my revised essay i am focusing more on the death scene and using much more textual detail from Heathcliff and Cathy's final encounter.
I have major problem following what the prompt says. On this essay only one of my paragraphs was entirely about the death. My other two went off on tangents talking about the fall out of Catherine's death. I will have to concentrate harder and remember exactly what happens in the scene to give myself more to write about. I found i could only remember a few quotes and the general gist of the scene. My rewrite will be more focused on the scene itself.
during the in class essay process, i wrote about heathcliff because i thought we were supposed to write about the main character no matter what. so now i'm trying to revise it without having to rewrite the whole thing about catherine's death instead of Heathcliff's. i am also changing the theme to better fit what actaully happens in the story. i wasn't really sure what i needed to change but after talking to my fantasmagorical group and fastasmagorical mrs. charbonnet i figured out what i need to change. i feel very confident with the three words that were highlighted (woot!).
As I reread my essay, i realized that the epiphany in my conclusion was what my theme should have been. I needed to rework my essay around the idea in my conclusion. I also added more specific details and quotes, and this gave my essay a better focus.
My biggest problem with my essay was simply that I misread the prompt. I only mentioned the death scene twice in my whole essay and more focused on Heathcliff's struggle with passion and reason. While revising my essay, or in my case rewritting it, I focused soley on Catherine's death scene and the passion and reason that surrounded that actual moment. It helped me alot to see what others had written and I feel much better about my essay and the way I addressed the prompt. I sited more textual evidence in my essay and I feel it made it much stronger.
The problem with my first in class essay was that I did not properly answer the prompt. My main focus in revision is making sure each paragraph focuses on the actual death scene, not on Heathcliff or his death until the conclusion. My revised essay talks more about Heathcliff's return right before Catherine's death and the actual reasons she died. It was easy to decide on what changing were to be made because I just needed to take Heathcliff out of the focus and only analyze the actual death scene. The hard part was figuring out how to do that appropriately. My beginning of the introduction could be better if I didn't start it with the novel's title. I am confident with my analysis, and the main difficulty is knowing where to put it in and how to organize the essay. My conclusion could also be better. It's just hard for me to write.
My biggest problem with in-class essays is that it takes me awhile to calm down and focus on what the prompt is actually asking. I tend to write on the first topic that comes to mind just so I will have enough time to finish. I really needed to work on my topic sentences and make sure they were really descriptive and related back to the prompt. Within my paragraphs, I wrote more on the actual characters than the two differing houses. I realize now that I only use the characters in order to relate back to the houses. My revised essay contains more well-thought out ideas with plenty of analysis. Topic sentences have always been my weakness, so that is where I started revising first. I went back and read the descriptions of the two homes to think more on the question of what they represent. I think my analysis of details could be better, but I am pretty confident with my topic sentences now.
One of the things I need was a better theme, at least for this essay. I had good organizational skills but my topic just wasn't that great. I also need to just take my time, I write much better when I'm patient and not rushing for a time deadline. I think from now on I will just focus on two really good body paragraphs instead of fitting three in.
My biggest problem is not having amazing thoughts on the prompt but being able to take what is in my mind and organize it on paper. Timed writes are not my strong point but for this revision I plan on cutting out a bit of my intro and constructing more efficient topic sentences. I will try my best to get to the point instead of writing fluff!
Ughhgh. Mine was a make up essay that failed epically. What influenced my revisions was definitely my group because they helped me pick out different occurences to use as examples for the body paragraphs. My new essay is clear and concise whereas my old one just a nonsensical jumble. I still could be a bit more organized. That is my biggest problem. I feel fairly confident in the general argument points I was trying to make; I think those got across fairly well.
I DID NOT READ THE PROMPT WELL. one death scene not two. I just get all panicked on the day of the timed write and don't pay attention to details. Next time, I will also look at the book again before the essay! The hardest part in the rewrite has been formulating a new thesis and theme. I know my body points, but bringing them together in one sentence is difficult for me! That is definately what I need to work on. My group help was great!
One problem I had with the essay was that I had plenty of ideas about the people who symbolized each house, but after brainstorming on them, I realized that I should focus more on the houses themselves. After realizing that, I had a hard time making sure that eveything fit right, and I don't think my ideas came out as clearly as I intended them to.
I also have problems picking the right theme and making it sound good. I can analyze the book, but I still have problems putting the deeper meaning into phrases that sound decent.
I could also definately do with a lot more quotes. A problem I have with this, though, is that by the time I analyze one or two ideas, adding anymore would take up a lot of space and more time than I have.
In our group we read the essays and threw ideas around about what would be helpful. I know I did that alot because I wasn't sure if my theme would still work.
The hardest thing to fix was the conclusion, which is always hard for me because I feel like I have nothing else to say. But it really helped me to tie some aspect of the end of the novel with a new epiphany. The biggest difference between my first essay and the revised one is that the revised one contains more details and more specific details. Also I completely forgot to put in quotes, or just couldn't remember any that were pertinent at the time.
Well, the first time around writing the essay on a specific death scene, I chose Heathcliff's death. At the time, even though his death was not as well described and drawn out as Catherine's, I reasoned out that I thought his death had more of an influence on everything and everyone around him. While I did talk about certain aspects specifically of his death, such as how he looked monstrous and vampiric and how Nelly could not shut his eyes, I mostely focused on what happened before and after his death. I redid my essay around Catherine's death, and I have really strugged on how to talk specifically about her death without using all of the context before and the after-efffects. I tried to incorporate the passion vs. reason theme throughout my revised essay and focus on how her death unified the theme and explained the work as a whole, which is what the prompt asked. I really just need to learn how to answer the prompt better, use more textual evidence and analyze it, and just pick the best example.
My essay was completly off topic. I don't even know where I was going with it. It had some good sentences but that's about it. If the prompt was about love I would have maybe gotten a better score but my new essay will be awesome woo
First of all, the main problem with my in class essay was that i wrote about Heathcliff's death instead of Catherine's, which i now realize was probably not the best idea! From now on, i know to choose the very best example in the book--not the next to best example.
Also, i think partly i discussed events that happened before or after the death scene, and not the actual death scene itself. Since Heathcliff's death scene did not give many details, i was forced to talk about details in scenes before or after.
Since i've revised, i feel more confident with my details and the examples that my group and i came up with--the group discussion really helped! we were able to use all of our ideas and combine them which really worked out!
My essay was terrible. I didn't really follow the prompt.. at all. I should've focused more on Catherine's death, as opposed to Heathcliff's. In the revision, I need to put more quotes & better analysis.
I have the flu and I won't be here the rest of the week. I didn't get to revise my WH essay so what do you want me to do about the blog this week?
My greatest struggle is attempting to write and to think of words to describe what I want to say. I know how to answer the prompt, but I cannot seem to grasp my thoughts and put them into complete sentences. I changed my theme, but kept the same thesis. I kept most of what I wrote and added textual evidence. I am still having difficulty analyzing. I also wrote too much about the characters and not enough about the two houses and how they differ in appearance. But I did add how they look and the differences and took out some of the character stuff that I had written. Hopefully this revised essay is better than the first.
I'm not quite sure what happened the first time around other than i epically failed! Totally not covering the prompt. I didn't even do a decent analysis. I focused more on the events leading to her death than her death. The influence on my revisions was first off i got a two and second I needed to answer the prompt.
I revised by basically throwing out my entire paper and starting from scratch with book in hand.
My ideas were okay, but it didn't apply to the actual prompt. Once I fully figured out the prompt, I was able to come up with better ideas and quotes. It has definitely been a little while since I've written a high caliber paper and I'm trying to get back to that.
This is Ashley
I'm not a fan of the timed writes, simply because I'm very meticulous when I write and I feel too rushed. The revision process allowed me to go back through and choose the exact words I needed to get my ideas across, while also letting me rearrange and even join sentences. I definitely need more quote integration, although I think the problem for me this time was that I knew quotes concerning just about everything except the estates physical descriptions.
so I believe that in writing the essay I was able to comprehend what the prompt was asking for, but I did not necessarily analyze my examples properly. Secondly, my examples were not nearly specific enough. In my revision I got direct quotes to use in my revised essay, I also felt that I did not transition well between subjects. Overall, in my revised essay I feel like my argument is stronger backed by more in depth analysis.
So the hardest thing about my revision was... the whole thing. Despite the genius that I am, I decided to write about Heathcliff. So, I had to redo the entire thing. I had trouble picking out topics to write about, but once I got started a was on a roll. This time, I tried to include more quotes and more analysis. I tend to lack analysis in my essay so that was a bit harder for me. But now that I'm done, I think its a good essay, maybe not great but it's a definite improvement over my Heathcliff essay.
I never feel like I know enough or have enough time to really think about what I want in my essay. It's usually just a jumble of thoughts that I can't put together.
I have issues answering the prompt fully.
In my revision I focused more on answering the prompt and having a good thesis, theme, and topic sentences.
I feel like my revision is a lot better and I feel pretty good about it. I liked having other people to talk to about it and get input from on how it could be better.
The first time i wrote my essay i thought i did pretty well on it, but i didn't feel like i had enough time to really get all my thoughts down. The second time i just took my time and went back and re-read the part of the novel with Catherine's death scene, so i could have more text based details to back up what i was trying to prove. I pretty much kept the parts that were highligted and tried to focus more on the ones that were, such as my introduction and conclusion. I also tried to come back to my theme more in my first body paragraph, which was one of my problems the first time.
The main thing wrong with my essay is a need for a better introduction and and conclusion. I also need more analysis. My topic sentences could be better.
The hardest part of in class essays is getting my thoughts together in a timely manner. While I was revising, I did not have this time constraint, and I believe that I was able to make both my thoughts and my sentences more coherent. In addition, I have been disappointed with my introductions during the last few timed-writes, and I believe that if I did not fix the problem, then I made several steps in the right direction. In general, I made my paragraphs relate more closely to the theme because I had the extra time to refise.
I never seem to have enough time. I have a hard time coming up with a good theme and thesis. I struggle to organizing my ideas and conveying what i mean on paper. The first timed write i wrote about the wrong death scene mostly because i couldn't remember any details from Catherine's death. The second time around i wrote on the correct death scene and used a different theme. I used some quotes in my revised version after rereading the scene. I think my body paragraphs and topics sentences are still weak. I thought i had a pretty good opening clause.
The main problem with my essay was that I included aspects, like before and after Catherine's death, that were not relevant. When I revised it, I eliminated those parts and included more facts about the actual scene of her death.
Another problem was that I only had one quote; I included a few more quotes in my revision to help support my argument.
I think that my essay is better than before, but I need to work on certain analysis aspects of writing in order to make my next ones better.
For me, the most difficult part of the in class essay is correctly answering the prompt. The first time around, I wrote about Heathcliff's death, which made it difficult to write. For the second time, I wrote about Catherine's death. It was hard for me to try to make my sentences more well thought-out. I did change my theme to focus on how the battle between passion and reason has destructive effects on Catherine.
The biggest problem i had was staying on track with the prompt. By this I mean focusing on the houses and their significane rather than putting more emphasis on the inhabitants. So I ended up with a paper that was moreso a comparison of Heathcliff and Edgar than Wuthering Heights and the Grange. My theme and thesis were strong, so my main focus of revision was on more specific body paragraphs and follwing the "More specific the better" philosophy and adding as much relevant, textual detail as possible.
My main problem was not focusing more on the actual death scene. I gave more information on my theme, involving reason and passion, and not enough on Catherine's death. I don't think it was a bad paper, I just didn't follow the prompt completely. I kind of had an idea about what I wanted to write about when I went into class, and so I kind of just went off on a tangent, I suppose. But the revised version I spent a lot of time on, and carefully thought about quotes to use and how to analyze more thoroughly.
The first time I wrote my in-class essay, I wasn't expecting the prompt so it threw me off a little, but I thought I got my point accross. But, I used too many character details instead of what parts of the houses made them significant. My biggest problem was trying to think of the details to go with my analysis. I just couldn't think of the way I could get my ideas on my page. The revision was tough because I just wanted to start over with a new prompt, because I was somewhat frustrated with my in-class essay.
I had a really hard time figuring out how to begin my essay and then I didn't focus enough on the actual settings. My revision had a much better opening paragraph and I put more detailed events in. Also, I focused more on the settings affect on people than the people in the settings.
As far as content goes, I feel like I successfully implemented topic sentences and organized body paragraphs to support my theme and thesis. However, I knew when I received my paper that I needed more specific examples that supported the notion that passion is superior to reason. When I got home, I typed my essay and made revisions by writing my critiques on the paper that I printed out. The main difference between the first and the second paper is that the latter contains more quotes and specific instances from the novel that supports the overall theme.
On my first draft I didn't realize that EVERY detail on the essay had to be about Catherine's death. I ended up writing a body paragraph about Heathcliff's disposition after Catherine's death. On my revision I focused on the idea that Catherine's death was caused by her inablilty to choose between Edgar and Heathcliff. My revision also was a lot easier to read. :)
In my original essay, I decided that I could write more about Heathcliff's death than about Catherine's death. Too bad I was wrong. I think that if I had reviewed the book a little bit more the day before the essay I would have done a lot better and would have had more information about Catherine's death. In my revision process, I wrote about a different death, and was hopefully more successful. After looking at the book only briefly, I was able to write a lot more, even with the same themes and topics of my other essay.
Well my biggest error is pretty embarrassing. im not really sure what i was thinking when i wrote the time write but i made the mistake of writing catherine earnshaw. i wrote renshaw for some reason. i wasnt really thinking about how important it was to write the main characters name right. in my revision i decided to go ahead and spell it right and i also focused more on the actual death scene like mrs charbonnet told us to. my paper was awful so i pretty much rewrote it.
I think that the biggest change in my essay was the analysis. Although my analysis were quite valid and detailed, they did not exactly answer the requested prompt. For example, I was supposed to talk about Catherine's death scene, but instead of talking about the death scene, I described the details before and after it. After my revision, I answered the question more promptly, and it also helped me understand the story better.
I definitely did not focus enough on the actual death scene! I thought my introduction and conclusion related to the prompt well, but in the body paragraphs I focused too much on passion vs. reason. So in my rewrite I tried to reorganize my paper so that it focused on two aspects of the actual death scene while still pulling in support for my ideas about passion and reason. I think that the first time I really did not have a good memory of the scene and its quotes, but I think i did a much better job pulling these details into my second essay.
The biggest change was probably my organization of my thoughts. I thought through how I should order and separate my ideas into paragraphs more. I changed my frist paragraph from being about Catherine's lack of closure to being about her conflict between the two men and moved the first subject to be my second body paragraph. I focused more on the death scene and analyzed it more than its causes and effects. My conclusion was also more thought out and provides a better "new epiphany."
My first essay was way off topic. I did not tie in any quotes or much detail. honestly I had writers block with the original essay. With my revision I corrected who I focused my essay completely on and added more detail about her death scene. I placed quotes in about the embrace and the smile. I am confident that my revision essay is alot better then my original because I was able to discuss with my group before I began to write about what I could do better. Overall my I believe my revision to be a better essay.
Well the way that I took on the revision was to first of all decided what was good about what I already had. I got a 6 so, I had all the things I needed i just needed to be more elequent and provide more analysis. I went to YiYi for help with word choice and Cyntax, and I rewrote my topic sentences to more clerly structure my argument. Then I added two quotes, analyzed them, tweaked my conclusion, and vwala I was done.
The major problem with my first essay was that it did not focus enough on the prompt and the death scene specifically. Recalling exact details from the scene to support my theme was the most difficult part. It was hard not to use information leading up to her death. Also, my body paragraphs seemed to jump around alot from point to point as I thought of new things to say. I think I should take more time planning out the essay before actually starting to write to make it more organized.
I felt that my essay had good ideas and a strong theme but that it lacked the specific details that would make it a higher scoring paper.
Well, the biggest difference between my in-class essay and revised essay is whose death scene I wrote on. For my in-class essay, I wrote on Heathcliff's death, but in the revised version, I wrote on Catherine's death. For the revised essay, I was able to concentrate more on the actual death scene, rather than what led up to it and the aftermath. My introduction paragraph is also more developed.
The second draft I wrote was much different and much better for many different reasons. For example I was able to more accurately get my thoughts on paper due to the extended time period. I was also able to actually find decent quotes from the novel to prove and support my claims. I tried a different theme that was less broad and didn't lead to a dead end which was greatly helpful.
In class, I basically decided what to do on my paper. I realized it needed many more details and that my structure wasn't very organized. Also, my conclusion was pretty weak. For the most part, i stuck with the same idea as my first draft, but elaborated a little more. I analyzed my topics a little more and connected them to multiple motifs in the novel. I changed my conclusion alot too. I now have more of a new epiphany that deals with the end of the novel.
I pretty much completely changed my paper.. My first one didn't have very many quotes, one if I remember correctly.. And that quote was "I am Heathcliff" which i wrote was said at Catherine's death. Obviously that's wrong. Oops :) But my second paper includes many more quotes, and I actually talked about the death scene! It seems that my first one mostly focused on the consequences of Catherine's death rather than the actual scene.. :p
During the first timed write, I didn't have many textual examples of the two houses. The houses were one of the things I focused on the least in a specific sense. My revisions were mostly influenced by my own knowledge of what was really needed in the paper, specific details and not general summaries. My revised essay is much more specific and a lot more analysis based on those specific details.
Aside from these things, my organization was pretty poor. I randomly spat out ideas onto the paper whenever I thought of something instead of waiting to construct the idea.
Okay, so my original essay was umm. well not so great :) But no worries, because I think the revised one is way better. The first one mostly had problems because i didn't really remember details from the death scene. So instead i mostly talked about causes and effects of Catherines death. Also my topic sentences were some kind of horrible. ANyways the second one was an improvement because i/my group looked up some details and then i basically re did my essay around those, so that the final one was about the death scene itself rather than things around it.
Well, I picked the wrong death scene to write about. I think I incorporated quotes and details well, but as always I could improve on making sure topic sentences are ideas not facts. The intro and setting up the organization for the rest of the essay is always the toughtest part for me.
In class I just tried to establish a thesis and get my intro down. I always write better when i'm by myself.
But i liked the opportunity we had to "conference" with Mrs. Charbonnet.
I was actually more pleased with this essay than probably any other essay I have written this year. However, I did run out of time for my conclusion so I did have to spend more time elaborating on the themes I spent time establishing. I believe I just need to work on utilizing my time more efficiently in class.
The main thing that I had to change in my revised essay was to focus more on the actual death itself. in my first one, I think that I focused a little too much on the other people involved with the death and not enough on the actual dieing. Also, I could always use more details and analysis in all of my papers.
The first time around in class we really worked on our topic sentences, making sure they realted back to our themes. We also had to look at our thesis and make sure it addressed every part of the prompt. The biggest differences between my essays were that in my second essay I talked directly about the death scene, instead of the events leading up to the death scene. I also added much better quotes that added to the quality of the essay. I think I could still work on my introductions, but mainly my conclusions. I still need to figure out how to push beyond what is already in my essay and make a new connection. I do feel much more confident in writing my theme statements than I did at the beginning of the year.
Post a Comment